If Fat Albert was my friend…I couldn’t call him “Fat” anymore, it is not PC.

Usually, on Tuesdays, I peruse Mama Kat’s writing prompts and pick the best one to write about.  And then I get too busy to actually blog it.  Not this week, no siree.  We dropped the three off at church, grabbed JP from Pole Vault practice and came home to catch up on life…to me, that means, write a blog entry.  I don’t get around to it as much as I should.  Those darn track meets, music lessons and concerts, doctor appointments and all the other stuff that keeps up scheduled from the 5:15 alarm until the “whenever we crash” bedtime sure don’t leave too much time these days.  How do I keep up on Facebook??  I FB while driving.  I mean, the law says no texting, but clearly, FB’ing is still allowed and safe.  Not so much true.  I sit in parking lots waiting for kids – phone in hand, usually, some sort of junk food in other hand, and I catch up on life.  You wanna get ahold of me?  Don’t leave a voice mail at home – that’s for sure.  Home??  What is that??  Oh, I ramble.  Onto the prompt.

I read the first one on the list, and knew I was good to go.  The only thing I would change is that I can eat all this and not gain a single ounce – I have proven that.  I have worked out for 6 months and weigh the same as when I started.  I just like the weight I am at.  Doesn’t seem to matter what I change in my lifestyle.  Guess what?  I don’t care.  What I would change the prompt to would be something more like:  If you had one day to eat anything you want without running the risk of massive stomach ache and the craps that follow, sometimes at parades, what would it be?

1.) If you had one day to eat anything you want and not gain a single ounce what would it be? (inspired by The Coffee Pot Chronicles)

The alarm still has to go off at 5:15 because the prompt doesn’t mention a change in normal schedule.  I hop out of bed and grab my first Coke for the day.  I probably would shove down a couple snack size Kit Kats for energy before hitting the gym.  While there, instead of water in my bottle, I would have Coke #2 and #3.  My water bottle is pretty big.  It would take quite a bit to fill it.  Maybe Coke #4.  Coke  = energy.

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After the gym, I would drive home while having my after-workout snack of banana chocolate chip muffins.  Maybe 2 or 3 of them.  Washed down with Mt. Dew.  It is more like fruit juice, so better for breakfasty times.

Once home and showered, I would grab a good-sized Tupperware and fill it up with Cinnamon Toast Crunch.  It may not rank #1 on my list of perfect foods, but it is certainly in the top 10.  #1 on my cereal list.  I would probably have some chocolate milk.  Sometimes, I have to make a healthy choice like that.  Got Milk?  Yup, I like mine Hershey-laden.  (Please note in the photo, I also save my box tops because I am a good mommy.)

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Mid-morning, after eating a couple pieces of candy off the teachers’ lounge table, I would have my snack of a chocolate-covered, cream-filled donut.  If it is winter, hot chocolate on the side.  This time of year, oh, maybe another Coke.  If that isn’t enough, it is generally some kid’s birthday so I would park myself in the hallway so I can snag one of the cupcakes he/she is handing out to staff members.  You know, the ones with a 2” pile of bright green frosting on top that stain your teeth and anything else that comes into contact with it?  And I would wear the Angry Bird ring with pride.  I am working on a full collection of them.

Lunch?  I wish I had time for an Olive garden Soup (3 bowls of the chicken gnocchi) and Salad run, complete with Black Tie Mousse Cake, but I don’t;  I would just run across the street to the gas station for some pizza, Doritos, and M&M’s.  Probably a grape pop to change it up again and get some more fruit in my diet.  (I keep this bag of Doritos in my van for emergencies.)

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Afternoon would consist of snacking out of our Resource Room treat bucket – Kit Kats, PB Cups, Snickers, you know, that stuff.  Sippin’ down a pop again – probably back to Coke.  Hopefully, Larisa would bring in her taco dip and chips to complete the sugar/salt duo.  If not, I maybe made my salsa that morning with all my Coke energy and brought that in to fill in the cracks.  (Uh, yeah, these Kit Kats are kept in my sweater drawer so Crazy Man won’t find them, and I am proud to say that they have been in there for almost a year.)

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After school, I always need a snack and since I do have time to run into town, I would start with a Chicken Strip Basket from DQ.  Ranch?  Yes, please.  Probably with a large chocolate malt.  It’s been hours since lunch!!  If I have to be on the other side of town, a #2 with a Coke from McDonalds.  Don’t worry, to save calories, I usually have them hold the pickles.

Supper would be easy – Texas Roadhouse.  I would eat 6 or more of their rolls, smothered in their cinnamon butter.  But here is where I go all health nut on ya.  I would order a grilled chicken salad.  With double ranch.  I know, what is that?  It is a salad, and we all know salad = super healthy.  Beverage?  Depends on my day.  Not really, but here is where a drinker would list a blended fruifee drink.  How do you spell fruifee?  Froofy?  Froofie?  I don’t know.  I would have a Coke, I know how to spell Coke.

After Texas Roadhouse, I would go to Cold Stone Creamery and have some awesome chocolate concoction. 

Hopefully, but this time, it is bedtime, because if not, I am going to need another snack.  Probably thirsty from all that Ranch.  Need a Squirt and maybe a brownie to hold me over until morning…

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What does this have to do with Fat Albert?  Nothin’ except he always was eating good stuff, so I like him.

Mama's Losin' It

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Reverse Bucket List

Stories I plan to never tell because they never will or I hope they never will actually happen:

1.  The time I gave a speech to thousands of people…I would get sick.  See #5.  It can happen.

2.  The time I swam with sharks…even with a cage, it is a no-go for me.

3.  The time my house burned down the one night when I was sleeping naked…ask Bill, this is a true fear of mine.  So, I don’t sleep naked ever.  It is a safety issue, people.  I have four kids to help out of the house…

4.  The time I ate sushi.  Have NO desire to do that ever.  Call me a sheltered mid-western.  Whatever.  I don’t even like cooked fish.

5.  The time I crapped my pants in public – oh wait, shoot, that has happened.  Darn that parade and it’s marching band!!

6.  The time I completed a triathlon.   Nope.  Not on my list to do EVER.  Most of all, the clothes – I don’t look good in skin-tight stuff.

7.  The time I cannon-balled during a polar plunge event.  Nuts. Or not.

8.  The time I balanced our checkbook and took over the bills.  Because this simply means something bad happened to Bill and then Missi and/or Janell were not available to take over.

9.  The time I made it on to Entertainment Tonight.  For any reason ever.  People are crazy.  Hollywood is full of nutso’s who for some reason carry clout.  Not with me.

10.  The time I sang the National Anthem at the Superbowl.  Again, see #5, and know that I can’t carry a tune.  So that is a double whammy.

 

Ten Years Ago

Ten years ago, I lived a very different life. 

Ten years ago today, I was overwhelmed.

Ten years ago today, I was older than I am today.

Ten years ago, I was in a hole.

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Ten years ago, my leather couch was brand new.

Ten years ago, Rescue Heroes were the rage.

Ten years ago, I had my pink chair, but I used it to hold laundry. Certainly not to sit in.  What was a blog?

Ten years ago, I ate bowls of cereal and call it supper (and breakfast and lunch.)

Ten years ago, I lived in sweatpants, and most likely didn’t even own a pair of dress pants.

Ten years ago, I loved to vacuum because it meant I had picked up all the toys enough to see the carpet.  Musta been a vacuum day for this picture.

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Ten years ago, booster seats and food particles were my main dining room décor.

Ten years ago, I didn’t color my hair, probably only got it cut once a year.  Eyebrows?  Really?

Ten years ago, I drove around in a van full of kids and considered it “me” time because I could listen to my music.

Ten years ago, my clothing size made me want to vomit, or go eat something yummy in bulk.

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Ten years ago, I was humbled because I depended on others.

Ten years ago, I had a husband who worked his butt off all day and came home to chaos every night. (Still do, different kind of chaos.)

Ten years ago, my dirty laundry pile’s depth was measured by feet.

Ten years ago, JP suffered from Trigger Thumb – yep, look it up.  It resulted in surgery.

Ten years ago.

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Ten years ago, I was wondering when I would get a break.  Now, I wish I could go back for a few days and squeeze those chubby cheeks, treasure the time more, and hold these babies of mine close.

 

Ten years ago today I was…

Mama's Losin' It

Barbie vs. Me

Like decisions such as “should I watch TV or run a marathon?” or “should I play chess or surf Facebook?” or “should I pee my pants or use a toilet?”, this was an easy one for me.  (On a side note, I am not sure how to punctuate that sentence. Where does that comma go?) Mama Kat has a few good prompts this week, but I chose this one right away.  I picked it because:

1.) Last week we covered your Top 10 Life Stories…this week choose one and share all the details.  Well, last week, I didn’t blog a thing, so can’t really follow up on that one.  If so, it would have been the day we heard we were having triplets.

2.) Are you on Pinterest? Share the last five items you pinned, choose one and let it inspire a blog post.  I am not on Pinterest.  I don’t need another addiction.  I know myself better than that.  Bill has an account, though, so maybe I can live through him?

3.) What were you like in high school?  One word.  Dumb.  Another word.  Poor.  Another word. Well, I didn’t pick this because I didn’t want to go there…so I wont.

4.) Share a photo that was taken of you, that you think really captures who you are.  I may revisit this one some day…storing it for a day I feel like blogging after my vacation later this winter, you know, when I am all tan and happy? All good things are worth waiting for…wait for it.

5.) The one place in my life that I know better, but haven’t been able to do better is… (inspired by Oprah)  Oh yes, this is my prompt.

I am struggling to eat well.  I know better.  I really know better.  Last year during my clean eating kick, I felt so so so much better.  I was pretty much sold on the benefits of  letting go of everything I love thing.  I rocked it.  I bought weird stuff and I ate it, learning to love new things.  Now, I just can’t get myself back on the bandwagon.  Like not at all.  I love chips.  I love cookies.  I love candy.  I love pop.  I LOVE these things so much, like the air I breathe.  I also love french fries, big roast beefs, and pizza.  Yep, me, the carrying pop in one hand and a pocket full of candy in my favorite jeans girl.

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Would I lose weight and shape up if I changed what I shove in my pie whole?  (Man, I love pie now too!!) Sure I would, with the amount of working out I do I would probably be something like Barbie.

But Barbie is overrated.  Ken left her.  And her perky boobs get in the way when she sleeps on her stomach.  Mine kindly move to the side.  There are benefits to being real.  Like real people can eat brownies.  And Barbie will never know Olive Garden nirvana.

I know better, but so far, the price hasn’t been worth it for me…yet…but it is coming.  I promise to start right after vacation.

Mama's Losin' It

22 things I have done

1.  Parasailed

2.  Drove a Chevette packed with drunk teenagers (and open bottle) from point A to point B while I was only 15 because I didn’t have any other way to get where we needed to be and no one had cell phones yet, and my parents didn’t have call waiting.

3.  Swam with Dolphins

4.  Peed the bed when I was dreaming I was using a bathroom in cabin deep in the woods.

5.  Backed my van out of the garage, leaving a nice scratch all the way down Bill’s truck via my side mirror.

6.  Baked not one, but two, apple pies from scratch.

7.  Carried over 51 inches of baby for 32 weeks.

8.  Met Toby Mac

9.  Sent a snarky e-mail to the wrong person – oops.

10.  Read the entire New Testament, a little at a time, while in bus line waiting for my kids to get out of school.

11.  Eaten rabbit, turtle, bear, and eel pout  (taste like chicken!)

12.  Driven a combine 

13.  Snuck out on my first date…when I was in 7th grade.

14.  Taken anti-depressants – not for long, but wow, while I did, I got a lot done due to lack of sleep needed.

15.  Had reconstructive surgery due to #7

16.  Caused a flood in our basement (old house) because I put towels over the drain while we left for a long weekend.

17.  Booked our vacation for this winter!!!!  WHOOOHOOOOO!!!

18.  Crocheted many afghans.

19.  Beaten every level of Angry Birds

20.  Been married over 16 years – silencing the naysayers. 

21.  Pooped my pants at a parade.  (Curly’s favorite memory of all times.)

Mama's Losin' It

Tears and Laughter

Dear Diary,

Seems like the only thing I can do right after I get off the bus after school to bring any sort of happiness to my over-schooled, over-sitting-in-desks-being-all-quiet-and-responsible self is to hop on my drum set and pound out a few songs.  I like to crank out some good Skillet or Newsboys.

So today, as I was pounding another “Hero” out (because “same song different day” seems to be my mantra) I was so disheartened.  I don’t know why today of all days it bothered me so much.  The cymbal is so bent that my joy of banging on it enough to vibrate the windows upstairs is diminished to the point of my entire emotional-state-of-being being hashed.

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I came upstairs to tell mom all about my plight.  “I hate my cymbal!!”  I said to mom.  I felt tears welling in my eyes.  What my mom doesn’t know is that I am being picked on on the bus.  But I will pretend this is all about my broken cymbal.

On the way home from youth group tonight, I spilled.  I told my family how so-and-so called me a “retard” on the bus today for no reason.  I really despise her.  Ya know what Curly said?  She said, “I would tell her ‘Oh thank-you for describing yourself because I have run out of adjectives.’ And then I would walk away and think ‘what a loser.  You are such a disappointment to your parents.’ ”  

My mom and dad were laughing so hard and my dad said, “There’s a comedian in every group.”

And Curly said, “I’m just a realist.  I am actually just a little too short to be a realist.”

And Mom and Dad laughed some more.  Broken drums still equal broken hearts, but at least Curly makes us laugh.

Love,

Crazy Man

PS.  Santa, I will try my best to be good, so can you please bring me a new drum set for Christmas?  I asked my parents for one, but I don’t think it is going to happen.

Mama's Losin' It

Labels

Labels – everything has them.  Some of my favorite are listed here.

“Warning: This product can burn eyes.” — On a curling iron.

“Not intended for highway use.” — On a 13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow.

“Do not use for drying pets.” — In the manual for a microwave oven.

“Always drive on roads. Not on people.” — From a car commercial which shows a vehicle “body-surfing” at a concert.

My favorite things to label are my kids – actually, I dare anyone raising multiples to manage all the questions without labeling.  “Which one is the leader?”  “Which one is the smart one?”  “Which one keeps you the busiest?”  “What kind of big brother is he?”  “Who is the speaker of the bunch?”  “Who is the baby?” and so on and so on. 

Truth be told, we all label each other, so why are kids any different?  I was labeled as a kid, I am sure of it.  First of all, I was the only girl, so most often when you didn’t know our family, I was given the title of “spoiled child”  which was not true, that title belonged to the younger brother.  Smile  Sorry, but true. 

I was labeled all kinds of things, the most hurtful was in high school and that label was spread all over.  Even to the local community college.  In that day, it was crazy to be “gay” and everyone around “knew” that my two besties and I were “gay” because we were so close.  Labeled?  Yep.  (We are pretty sure our ex-boyfriends had started the rumors; poor guys, if not, they certainly found great joy in spreading it.)

I know my kids are at that yucky age when labels are dished out like sticks of gum.  Nerd.  Geek.  Jock.  Prep.  Girls who think they are hot.  Punk.  Skater.  Stupid.  Brainiac.  And once a label is given, it sticks.   As much as I don’t enjoy my children being labeled, I am a realist.  I label them myself.  I do it all the time right here on my blog.  Crazy Man?  He is crazy.  I like that about him.  Some may find him overwhelming.  It may be truth, but it is a label.

Here are my other labels for my own children:

JP – Mature, highly intelligent, deep, Mr. Black and White, trustworthy, dependable, leader

Princess – Beautiful, dream student, artsy, drama queen, maternal, extremely thoughtful, confident, servant, and a leader

Curly – Spaz, humorous, creative, short fused, persnickety, messy, tomboyish, whiner, gift giver, blunt

Crazy Man – Crazy (duh!), musical, spatial, fearless, sensitive, alternative, messy, Mr. Fix-it, follower

This is the way God made each of my children, and He knows every detail about them each.  Do I care if you honestly label my kids?  Not one bit.

To my kids: be sure you are truthful when you place labels on others, and be flexible; people change.  Don’t allow either your past or the pasts of other to permanently be part of how you are viewed or how you view them.  Don’t trust others’ labels they have put on people.  Make your own judgment of others and judge fairly.  Be kind to people who have negatively perceived labels;  nerds grow up to be handsome men who run businesses, alternative kids change the world with the way they think, caring people who stand up to bullies change lives even if doing so makes them victims.  Life is funny that way.  Jocks are only jocks for so long and after that, they are like everyone else.  Drug addicts can overcome.  Girls who think they are all that (especially at the expense of others) grow up to be wives and moms just like the clumsy less-put-together girls do.  Life comes around full circles. 

On the other hand, don’t do dumb things that bring negative labels onto yourself.  ‘Nuff said.  Truthful labels can also be labels you don’t like.  Truth sometimes hurts.

And I will leave you with another classic label:

fail owned pwned pictures

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