Dude, we are so cashing in!!

It has come to our attention that some Piepers somewhere have landed a jackpot.  The story of my very rich millionaire husband just continues to roam around, growing by the day, details becoming more and more far fetched.  Seems Bill not only is a rich farmer now, but he grows potatoes on his land and ships them overseas.  Fantastic, I say.  I love potatoes.  Mostly of the French Fried and Chipped varieties.  I love potatoes dipped in Sour Cream and Onion.  I love potatoes served up laced with cheese and rebaked.  I love potatoes of the Curly Fry family.  I love them in a bag, I love them in a can, I love them baked and loaded with broccoli, bacon, and cheese.  Tater Tots are great too – especially on top of a casserole. 

Then, from a whole new source, we got a lovely e-mail today and maybe some of the story makes a little more sense.  Seems some distant relative, who I am sure we are actually direct heirs of but somehow, there was a paperwork mistake, is offering a little land for sale.  If you have a cool $18mill laying around, this might just be what you are looking for.

I wish it was ours to sell, but we seem to be the wrong Pieper family.  Darn.  What could we do with that kind of money?  I asked the boss.

Bill would first pay off the house and then beyond that he has no idea.  But with a smile and a laugh, he says it would become our short-term emergency fund. (I am loving an 18 million dollar short term emergency fund.  Think of all the emergencies I could come up with for 18 million.)  And then his over practical side kicked in and he said, “I wouldn’t sell the land.  I would become a potato farmer.”

$18mill emergency #1 – I need a new car – my van got a dent in the door this weekend.  I am thinking Dodge Viper for starters.

$18mill emergency #2 – I need to go to so many places and spread the good news – like maybe Bora Bora and Costa Rica.

$18mill emergency #3 – All my clothes suddenly don’t fit.

$18mill emergency #4 – I need liposuction and a few other contouring procedures.

$18mill emergency #5 – I need a pergola.

$18mill emergency $6 – I need a lake home.

$18mill emergency #7  – I need a beach home.

Then we can get practical.  I need a housekeeper, chef, and gardener at each of my homes.  I need a laundress.  I need a masseuse.  Ah, and a pool boy.  Do potato farmer wives get pool boys?  I need someone to serve me all my mashed potatoes…these grew right there in my land.

Gotta go harvest me some spuds.

My Millionaire Husband

I got one of the funniest messages today on my beloved Facebook.  It seems the Pieper clan is subject of the Southern Minnesota Rumor Mill.  The fact that we made it into the conversations to begin with was enough to make my day.  What the crap is that all about?  20 years out of high school.  Hmmm…

I guess maybe my husband has come into some money lately without me knowing about it.  And we are not talking a couple thousand.  Seems he is now a millionaire.  Who knew?  I wonder what the story is concerning how he came across that money?  We don’t do the lotto.  We haven’t inherited a sizable estate in years – like all the years we have been alive – NEVER EVER!  Oil hasn’t been struck in the eastern part of the state so no Hillbilly action here.   I wish the message would have specified what we need to do to get those millions.

Rumor has it my man is buying up farm land down there.  Without me knowing. Snap, he is in trouble.  He is such a secretive guy and we have always had such deep communication issues.  I knew he was hiding something – I had no idea it was thousands of acres of the best soil ever known to man.    Watch out, all you farmers, we are going to own your butts!!  Your trucks will all have the Pieper name on them soon and those John Deere green tractors soon will be toting Pieper corn and beans to the Pieper Elevator – we are taking over the world!!!

Except for one problem.  Part of the rumor is that me and our two kids are getting left behind.  Yup, he packed up and left us here.  Well, he musta taken two of our kids with him, since we actually have four of them.  JP volunteered to head to the farm with dad, and my mother-in-law said she would clean out rooms and get them ready for them to head down.  Yep, that is the kind of support I am getting in this divorce.  Life is not fair.

So, if you are sitting around having coffee at the local drug store, just know that The Piepers are still an average Midwestern happily-married couple raising FOUR children (give us full credit!!) and working on paying off our very own .8 acres. Nothing exciting for you all to talk about here.   And, if we come in a couple million, what you need to keep in mind is that I am the family spender, not Bill, so we may buy up some farm land, but first, we are heading to the Outlet Mall.