Having my Cake and Eating it Too

Yesterday was a layer cake from a box store.  It looked great from the outside, but left me feeling very disappointed.  You know the kind, tastes like nothing, so all you can think about while eating each bite is the calorie count and that nice glass of milk you need to wash it down.


The first layer was the crazy home life of yesterday: kids who left stuff at home and needed it delivered to school; kids who, because we go to church on Wednesday nights, had homework until 10 PM; kids who are dragging because this repeated getting up early and having subject matter foisted on them all day is wearing them out.  Between 7:30AM and 5:15 PM, and then again from 5:30 until 8:00, I wasn’t home.  That is normal for many people, but it isn’t our family normal, thus nothing, and I mean nothing was accomplished around here yesterday.  My mother-in-law is coming tonight and she will see our dirty cluttered house in all it’s glory and she will clean it all for me, and I love/hate that.  She shouldn’t feel the need to clean my home, but trust me, she will.


The second layer was yesterday’s school day.  So many things to list, but I don’t want to sound like a nag, so I will only list one: No, you can’t push your friend off the playground equipment, taking him flying through the air, and landing on him like a WWE hero.  You might hurt him, or in yesterday’s experience, you just might hurt yourself.  Awesome Love and Logic lesson learned.  You would think anyway, but to do it again, yikes.  You must be a kid of the boy variety.


This monster cake was covered by a beautiful fondant.  You know the stuff…it looks smooth and slick but leaves a bitter taste in your mouth – I fell asleep listening to Clinton’s speech.  “I did not have sexual relations with that woman.”  Well, in response, I can’t think of you as someone credible.  Ever again, Bill “Fondant” Clinton.

Here are some cake hints from me.  First, go with a simple sheet cake.  Layers look prettier but make the cake more difficult to cut and serve.  If your plate is as full as mine, you must go for the quicker method of getting stuff done.


Second, don’t save the cake topper for a anniversary.  It gets old waiting around for another day.  Deal with it that day. 

Third, make sure your cake is from The Cake Boss.  He makes good cakes worth the calories.  Don’t eat fluff just because it is in front of you.  The Boss is the only way to go.


Fourth, don’t order fondant.  “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”  If you fall asleep listening to garbage, you just might find yourself tossing and turning all night.  This goes hand and hand with the cake topper stuff – fall asleep in peace so your crappy cake day doesn’t lead you into another.


And lastly, skip the cake, and go with ice cream.  That’s where true joy is.


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