If Fat Albert was my friend…I couldn’t call him “Fat” anymore, it is not PC.

Usually, on Tuesdays, I peruse Mama Kat’s writing prompts and pick the best one to write about.  And then I get too busy to actually blog it.  Not this week, no siree.  We dropped the three off at church, grabbed JP from Pole Vault practice and came home to catch up on life…to me, that means, write a blog entry.  I don’t get around to it as much as I should.  Those darn track meets, music lessons and concerts, doctor appointments and all the other stuff that keeps up scheduled from the 5:15 alarm until the “whenever we crash” bedtime sure don’t leave too much time these days.  How do I keep up on Facebook??  I FB while driving.  I mean, the law says no texting, but clearly, FB’ing is still allowed and safe.  Not so much true.  I sit in parking lots waiting for kids – phone in hand, usually, some sort of junk food in other hand, and I catch up on life.  You wanna get ahold of me?  Don’t leave a voice mail at home – that’s for sure.  Home??  What is that??  Oh, I ramble.  Onto the prompt.

I read the first one on the list, and knew I was good to go.  The only thing I would change is that I can eat all this and not gain a single ounce – I have proven that.  I have worked out for 6 months and weigh the same as when I started.  I just like the weight I am at.  Doesn’t seem to matter what I change in my lifestyle.  Guess what?  I don’t care.  What I would change the prompt to would be something more like:  If you had one day to eat anything you want without running the risk of massive stomach ache and the craps that follow, sometimes at parades, what would it be?

1.) If you had one day to eat anything you want and not gain a single ounce what would it be? (inspired by The Coffee Pot Chronicles)

The alarm still has to go off at 5:15 because the prompt doesn’t mention a change in normal schedule.  I hop out of bed and grab my first Coke for the day.  I probably would shove down a couple snack size Kit Kats for energy before hitting the gym.  While there, instead of water in my bottle, I would have Coke #2 and #3.  My water bottle is pretty big.  It would take quite a bit to fill it.  Maybe Coke #4.  Coke  = energy.

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After the gym, I would drive home while having my after-workout snack of banana chocolate chip muffins.  Maybe 2 or 3 of them.  Washed down with Mt. Dew.  It is more like fruit juice, so better for breakfasty times.

Once home and showered, I would grab a good-sized Tupperware and fill it up with Cinnamon Toast Crunch.  It may not rank #1 on my list of perfect foods, but it is certainly in the top 10.  #1 on my cereal list.  I would probably have some chocolate milk.  Sometimes, I have to make a healthy choice like that.  Got Milk?  Yup, I like mine Hershey-laden.  (Please note in the photo, I also save my box tops because I am a good mommy.)

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Mid-morning, after eating a couple pieces of candy off the teachers’ lounge table, I would have my snack of a chocolate-covered, cream-filled donut.  If it is winter, hot chocolate on the side.  This time of year, oh, maybe another Coke.  If that isn’t enough, it is generally some kid’s birthday so I would park myself in the hallway so I can snag one of the cupcakes he/she is handing out to staff members.  You know, the ones with a 2” pile of bright green frosting on top that stain your teeth and anything else that comes into contact with it?  And I would wear the Angry Bird ring with pride.  I am working on a full collection of them.

Lunch?  I wish I had time for an Olive garden Soup (3 bowls of the chicken gnocchi) and Salad run, complete with Black Tie Mousse Cake, but I don’t;  I would just run across the street to the gas station for some pizza, Doritos, and M&M’s.  Probably a grape pop to change it up again and get some more fruit in my diet.  (I keep this bag of Doritos in my van for emergencies.)

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Afternoon would consist of snacking out of our Resource Room treat bucket – Kit Kats, PB Cups, Snickers, you know, that stuff.  Sippin’ down a pop again – probably back to Coke.  Hopefully, Larisa would bring in her taco dip and chips to complete the sugar/salt duo.  If not, I maybe made my salsa that morning with all my Coke energy and brought that in to fill in the cracks.  (Uh, yeah, these Kit Kats are kept in my sweater drawer so Crazy Man won’t find them, and I am proud to say that they have been in there for almost a year.)

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After school, I always need a snack and since I do have time to run into town, I would start with a Chicken Strip Basket from DQ.  Ranch?  Yes, please.  Probably with a large chocolate malt.  It’s been hours since lunch!!  If I have to be on the other side of town, a #2 with a Coke from McDonalds.  Don’t worry, to save calories, I usually have them hold the pickles.

Supper would be easy – Texas Roadhouse.  I would eat 6 or more of their rolls, smothered in their cinnamon butter.  But here is where I go all health nut on ya.  I would order a grilled chicken salad.  With double ranch.  I know, what is that?  It is a salad, and we all know salad = super healthy.  Beverage?  Depends on my day.  Not really, but here is where a drinker would list a blended fruifee drink.  How do you spell fruifee?  Froofy?  Froofie?  I don’t know.  I would have a Coke, I know how to spell Coke.

After Texas Roadhouse, I would go to Cold Stone Creamery and have some awesome chocolate concoction. 

Hopefully, but this time, it is bedtime, because if not, I am going to need another snack.  Probably thirsty from all that Ranch.  Need a Squirt and maybe a brownie to hold me over until morning…

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What does this have to do with Fat Albert?  Nothin’ except he always was eating good stuff, so I like him.

Mama's Losin' It

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. madamdreamweaver
    Apr 26, 2012 @ 09:29:58

    Kissing the cereal box—ROFL.

    Reply

  2. Larisa
    Apr 26, 2012 @ 12:17:12

    Soon I will make taco dip for a Friday RR party (I’ll even bring the chips). 🙂 Maybe we’ll work it in for May 11th….May 4th BJ’s got OT at 2/2:30 and then it’s back home to finish packing up for Tiger Cub Camp Weekend @ good old Camp Wilderness. 🙂

    Reply

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