Personification Pieper Style

I hope by now, you have read enough of my blog ramblings to know that my mind is twisted.  If you are a parent of a child I have the pleasure of working with at school, know that I am very capable of not saying everything I think out loud, although if I think of a really good one, I make sure to quietly mention it to another adult.  Some things are too good not to share.  R.N., this one might be too much for you to read.  But JW, this one is for you!!!

Today, my very very literal black and white JP came home with an English assignment I had to help him with.  It was a joy for me, while he was full of agony.  Seems he didn’t like any of my answers.  Too bad for him.

Assignment:

Many riddles are based on personification mixed with word plays.  See if you can guess the answer to these riddles that rely on personification.  Write your answers in the spaces provided.  (First problem, I need longer spaces, because this is going to be FUN!)

1.   What has eyes but cannot see?  His answer:  potatoes.   My answer: the language of Pirates.

2.  What did one potato chip say to the other?  His answer:  what flavor are you?  My answer:  I see your butt and thighs look like JW’s (assuming it is a Ruffles chip.)  Or “I’d like a handful.”  Or something about the Lay’s brand.  I could really have fun with this one!!

3.  How can you tell the difference between two types of trees?  His answer:  Their bark.  My answer:  Their crotches.  (Or as Bill answered: does this have to do with soft wood and hard wood?)

4.  Why was the belt arrested?  His answer: he wasn’t clipped in.  My answer:  Belt?  (Only nerds wear belts so why even talk about belts? Anyways, back on task.)  Chastity belt?  Corn belt?  Belting out a chorus?  Belt of truth?  Orion’s belt?  I don’t even know what they are asking, but here is my best answer:  for letting the potato chip’s pants fall down, exposing her ruffled butt.

5.  What does Mother Earth use to catch fish?  His answers:  her eyes to sea.  My answer:  worms?  (can I get a HOLLA from my peeps? – an instance when I say:  you had to be there!)

6.  What do whales chew?  His answer:  Gold fish crackers  My answer:  Are we talking humpbacks?  (I just needed clarification.)  Duh, Tobacco  –Insert Blowhole joke here —

whale_spout[1]

(Source)

Next, he had to write a poem that personifies one of the following topics throughout the entire piece.  Choices:  A lively young puppy, freedom, a busy shopping mall, a firefly, a mirror, the sky.   I picked both a mirror and a busy shopping mall – I am an overachiever.

Mirror mirror on the wall,

You certainly are so mean.

To tell me that my new foundation

Makes my face look green.

I am sorry that you stare at me

Like I’m in your fovea*

I do the best I can each morning

To look good for my day.

*********************************************************

Busy shopping mall, mocking me

While I get up with the sun

You rest until mid-morning

Then fill your days with fun.

You hold awesome stuff to buy,

calling out my name.

Sorry, but my summer is complete

Now working is my game.

BOOOHOOOOO  The End

What’s not to love about 8th grade Language Arts?

*fovea: The fovea centralis, also generally known as the fovea (the term fovea comes from the Latin, meaning pit or pitfall), is a part of the eye, located in the center of the macula region of the retina. – [1][2] The fovea is responsible for sharp central vision (also called foveal vision), which is necessary in humans for reading, watching television or movies, driving, and any activity where visual detail is of primary importance.  Thanks, Wikipedia!

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Mary
    Jan 16, 2013 @ 21:24:27

    I’m helping my daughter right now with her 6th grade Language Arts assignment. Exact same thing. Ran across your blog while trying to find answers on internet. Laughed out loud at your answers. Of course my 6th and 9th grader think I’m crazy. Loved it!!

    Reply

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