How to paint a bedroom Crazy Man style

It was a carrot hung in front of Crazy Man’s face.  If he would clean his room, we would paint it.  You may not understand what that entailed for him.  He is a complete slob and likes it that way.  The more do-dads and what-cha-ma-call-its he has, the better.  None of those things have a home either.  Most of the time, a normal person is unable to walk across his room without risking injury.  He is Jesus-like in his room: he can walk over it all without harm.

All of a sudden, he gladly emptied out his room this weekend…and instead of sorting through anything, he dumped it all into my living room.  Score one for the Crazy Man – mom wants that mess out of my living room ASAP.  We were at the store buying paint and all the gear that day, and today, the paint went up.  Good move, CM!!

It is not easy to paint a whole room.  For me, anyway.  I get bored of it all, so if you, like me, need assistance in the entire room painting category of ultimate person of the universe training, read on.

First things first.  Rip your heart out, no, that is too fast.  Scoop it out with a spoon.  Your family baby no longer wants his little boy room.  Swallow that fact and come to grips with your reality.  Good-bye, sweet camping camouflage room.   Good-bye, tree.  Good-bye, one of my favorite colors of wall paint ever.  Good-bye, what is left of my little guy’s sweet room.

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Second, round up as many helpers as possible.  Remember, this is a long and boring process so the more rollers you can get going, the better.  Uh, not really – they stink at painting, so you will have to go back and re-do all their work, but it doesn’t matter, you look like a good mom because you let them paint and they made a memory.

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Third, make sure that as soon as you take the picture, you kick the kids out so you can actually accomplish something.  Shut the door as they go out.  This is really important because if you forget and leave the door ajar, the fumes have a change to dispense throughout the house.  This is not good.

Before continuing, be sure you use the facilities and get yourself loaded up with any food and beverages you may need during the process.  You are hunkering down for the long haul.

Fourth, shove towels in the cracks under the door and around the windows if necessary to trap all paint fumes.  You are going to need them to assist you in finding a happy place.  (This may be obvious to some, but you are back on this inside by this point.)  Breathe deep.  Find your place of giddy.

Once you find yourself in high spirits, add music.  If you are lucky enough to be holed up inside someone as awesome as Crazy Man’s room, plug your Zune into an amp.  Yep, blast that puppy until the house shakes.  It is your chance to repay all the DJ-ing that has been done for you, but this time, the kids have to listen to your choices.  Crank the bass, vibrate the whole place, nothin’ they can do about it.  Not even when their friends can hear your music through the headpiece of the Xbox upstairs.  HAHAHAHA

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Paint away, oh happy girl.  Feel free to take breaks and dance once in a while.  Paint comes out of carpet, live a little.  Besides, if a little bit of gray lands in the carpet and gives it a flecked look, it gives the room a feeling of continuity…or something.

Oh and when you are completely sick of the color you have been staring at for 3 hours, celebrate those last few strokes.  Gray is so exciting!  Now you probably have some gray in your hair too – just a warning.

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Stage one of room overhaul DUN!  The worst is yet to come.  All that junk has to be sorted.

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