I Bing, You Bing

Prompt: The first time I ________-ed after _________-ing.  I read this prompt at The Red Dress Club  and immediately, my mind started running with it.  Although the linky-fest is over for it, I had to tackle it anyway.

My brain, being sick and twisted as it is, came up with a few things that I could write an awesome blog about but when Bill would read them, I would get “the look” from him and most likely this: “well, it is your blog, I would never choose to write about that, but it is up to you.”  Yes, sometimes he talks to me like I am one of his 5 kid.  But even though I am short and at time kid-like, I am 36 now, and I remind him of the fact that I graduated from college (it’s all I have on him) and we move on.  I mean really, one of us has to take risks.

I first thought of  “The first time I pooped after giving birth.”  It actually is a funny story that involves an OD on laxatives thanks to a med mix-up.  But I wont go there.

Next, I thought of “The first time I had to see Bill’s mom after falling asleep with him the first time I visited their home.”  Really, we were just talking to the wee hours, and we fell asleep.  First impressions are great.  Some day, I will rehash the memory with her, but so far, I have avoided it all together.

Then, I thought of “The first time I coughed after abdominal surgery.”  It would be a story about how I pretty much determined dying of asphyxiation would be less painful than coughing.  It also involves my mother-in-law, me – the crying adult –,  a bunch of pillows, and a bad memory.

I thought of  “The first time I heaved after I had to clean up my own kid’s puke.”  It would be the lovely story of how Bill came to be our family puke cleaner-upper.

My mind went to “The first time I saw my neighbors after leaving a trail of blood in the parasailing boat.”   No more details available for that story, so it would be too short.  Shout out to M&R!!  HEY!

Of course, happy things also popped into my head.  “The first time I saw my triplets after they were hooked up to machines.”  Why is this happy?  I knew they would be ok, and that I had done my best and my best had been good enough to get them here alive.  I looked like death warmed over, I was high as a kite, and I knew we had made it!

“The first time I held JP after he was born.”  He was purple and I said, “He’s a Vikings fan!!”  I didn’t want to be one of those bawling special moment moms, so I made a funny.  And guess what?  He is a Vikings fan!  I guess a mom knows her children that well.

Other things came to mind as well.

“The first time I tried to plant a veggie garden after I put down Preen.”  Yeah, don’t ask what my degree is in.

“The first time I hit the garbage can after backing out of the garage.”  That one has sequels.

“The first time I puked in a sink at O’Hare after I suffered through a nasty flight.”

But the very most obvious answer to me was “The first time I Bing-ed after Google-ing for years.”  I was waiting for some awesome revelation of all that is perfect in cyber-world.  After all, Google was so good, it found me all the funny things I searched for,  so for Microsoft to come up with a competitive search engine, I expected some sort of cyber utopian experience.  To me, it was just more of the same.  Don’t tell Bill I said that.

I am married to Mr. Microsoft, so of course nothing in our home can begin with an ‘I’ or have a fruit emblem on in.  We sport chairs, coolers, mugs, blankets and half of Bill’s clothing that all display “Microsoft” on them.  We support the hand that feeds us.  But sometimes, when I really need a fix, I Google something.  Don’t tell Bill – it is almost like admitting an affair.

My hubby wants me to add that I love Bing.  I love it more than the air I breathe.  Thank-you, Microsoft, for creating Bing.  My computer only runs Bing.

Let’s talk about Google Earth.


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