Looking Ahead

I was driving my sexy minivan down I-94 last week loaded with the kids.  Yeah, mini vans are the epitome of sexiness.  I mean, who doesn’t, at age 17, dream of driving a kid hauler around loaded with a collection of empty candy wrappers, drink bottles, and dirty socks when they grow up? For some reason, I wanted a lot of kids but planned to haul them around in a really good vehicle like a Corvette.

I am on my second van.  The first was a pimped out leather deal with all the bells and whistles a van can offer (minus a TV, because we don’t give a rat’s butt about TV.)  We replaced it with a stripped down version because come on, a van is a van, and we got a good deal.   We like deals and see no reason to buy new vans because a new van is no more “cool” than one with 30,000 miles on it, just $1,000’s more.  Our vans have been very functional.  Because that is what they are made to be.

Anyway, as I was turning south off the interstate, I got behind a sweet orange Mitsubishi Eclipse and my mind drifted to what was yet to come.


Some day, when my days of hauling kids are over, I want a car.  Sure, I would like it to look like the Eclipse because who doesn’t want a sleek car that screams awesome?  I will only be able to hold one passenger, so Bill is in luck, but the rest of you, sorry.  And I will be able to fill the gas tank for $50 instead of $100.  Ahhhhhhhhhhh.

I was busy picturing how cool I am going to be again some day.  Way more cool than the old hairy guy I watched get out of the car.  Why is it that only old hairy guys get out of those cars?  Well, them and their 16 year old kids who borrow them trying to look like men but falling way short of the goal?  My LOOOOOOOOOOOOONG legs will stretch out of the door and my long hair will spill out causing all those around to “WHOA” and all that…

I continued to picture the awesome future as I pumped gas into my sexy mini-van.  Oh, the lifestyle change.  Doing whatever I want, going wherever I want.  The freedom a sweet car will bring is amazing.

I followed the kids into the gas station, high on my dreams.

I pushed my sunglasses up on the top of my head, smiling both inside and out as I thought about how freakin’ cool I am going to be once I ditch the mommy van.  I used the bathroom – even the simple act of using a public toilet couldn’t dampen my mood.

As I pulled the toilet paper (you know, those big round dispensers that have the toothed edge you have to pull the paper across to rip it) I pictured the air flowing through my hair.  After all, maybe I will be sure it is a convertible.

Suddenly, God gave me a slap in the face, literally, via the toilet paper dispenser.  Why do they mount them at face level?  The whole dispenser opened, nailing me in the face, sending my sunglasses flying.  My dream came to a crashing halt.  Getting humbled by a toilet paper dispenser knocks the wind out of the sexy dream sails.

I giggled, skipped back to my van, told the kids my story, and counted my blessings.  Not everyone who wants a van full of kids gets one.


4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Tammi Hoeger
    Jul 09, 2011 @ 11:20:02

    Deb, This was a great laugh for me.


  2. debpieper
    Jul 09, 2011 @ 21:26:22

    well, thanks!! I bet this could happen to you too!! 🙂


  3. Sadie Twite
    Jul 11, 2011 @ 18:49:52

    LOL! Great story. But even better is the fact that you asked why they have all dispensers at face level. I am constantly complaining that the toilet paper rolls are way to low on the stalls. I feel like I’m always trying to keep from touching the floor as I try to unroll the paper. Maybe a height issue here 🙂


    • debpieper
      Jul 11, 2011 @ 21:47:39

      Well, next time I get into this bathroom, I will take a picture for ya – it might be your dream come true and you can work it into every trip south?? If I remember correctly, it has a nice baby changing station in it too!!


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