Church Done Our Way

So this weekend, our family attended Catholic Mass.  We are not Catholic.  Not even Lutheran.  Which around here is pretty much saying we are freaks.  Ok, maybe not around here, here like as in where we live, but down in Southern Minnesota where the hubster grew up, you have two choices.  Here, where we live, is a cultural mecca so we have lots of choices.  We can be anything, and we chose our church family because:

1.  Our church is really happenin’:  we have a Facebook page and this is our latest posting on the wall (Jan 1) Unfortunately, Heartland IS NOT HAVING CHURCH TOMORROW due to the fact we cannot get the snow removed in time and the lot is covered with ice. I mean really…what is not to love about that?  And a Happy New Year’s to you all!!

2.  Our church serves donuts every single Sunday, which is super great with a hypoglycemic child.  Our church is playing a very pivotal role in teaching the Crazy Man self control.  After all, it is one of the fruits of the spirit, but he would rather have a donut of the spirit.

3.  We, the Piepers,  are the ultraconservatives in the church because we are not tatted nor are we pierced all over.  We didn’t have piercings in our wild days that we have allowed to grow shut.   In fact, my earring holes have always been just that – little holes, not tunnels big enough to drive a car through.  And hubster has no piercings and never has had one – gasp.  But guess what?  I love seeing all the new body art every week.  Someone has always added something, and I live vicariously through them.  I am too chicken.

4.  About once a month, I am allowed to go all tambourine with the worship team.  Yep, you heard me.  I am a tambourine specialist.  I am also known to play the egg shaker and that cool box thing I sit on.  This thing:

(Once, when I was in high school, I got run over by the guy playing bass drum when we were playing in the Memorial Day Parade.   And, I would love to play the crash cymbals some day for church. What song would that work with?)

5.  Our church is family.  Period.  I can have a good melt down there.  Or I can tell KO to just hand over the baby and no one will get hurt.  It is where I am Auntie Deb even though I am not really related.  It is where my kids have heroes who drum like mad or decorate their homes with Lego’s.  It is where I can tell my buddy, RT, that her shoes are hoochie boots while she is collecting offering.  It is where I write something like “the table flyers at the strip joint” on my card every week where it asks if I am a first time visitor, where I heard about my church.  Really, I do.  It embarrasses the hubby.  Which is mostly why I do it.

This past Easter morning, when we sat in pew # 39 at Catholic Mass (in other words, way towards the back) I decided to sit next to Crazy Man.  Wasn’t sure his meds had time to kick in yet, so a little one-on-one attention was deemed necessary.  It was the best decision of the morning.  He was so entertained by the church decorations and what happened through out the service, that I hardly noticed there was a sermon. 

First, the priest walked up and down the aisle with a branch of some sort dipping it in water and sprinkling it on the parishioners.  If I heard correctly, it was because we were renewing the vows we made at our baptism.  Crazy Man took one look at this sprinkling method and immediately thought of an awesome upgrade. 

“If this guy really wanted to get us all wet, and wanted to get it done quicker, he should just get himself a super soaker.”

I think my little man is a getting pretty smart.

Moving on.

“Hey Mom, see those gold-painted pictures up there on the wall?”


“That one on the top right.  What is that? That water sprinklin’ man had one of them too.”

“A smokin’ thing that keeps evil spirits away”  (I know, not a good answer, but it was the best I had on the fly.  I looked it up now, it is a thurible.)

“Very cool.  Does it have fire in it?”

“Yep, sir, it does.”

“Awesome.  I am getting one for my room.  It will keep JP out.”

I am thinking that this kid’s brain never shuts off!!  He is working his way up the genius ladder pretty quickly. 

I myself might look into getting a thurible to smoke out the boys’ bathroom.

And then I will let Crazy Man go all Super Soaker cleaning the tub again.




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