The mind can only absorb what the butt can endure

The hubster and I spent this weekend at Therapeutic Foster Care Training because

A.)  It was required and

B.)  There is no B

We road-tripped up to the great metropolis of Grand Forks and tromped onto the campus of UND where this training was held.  Go Bison.  I don’t care if the Sioux made it to the Frozen Four.  Really.  Don’t.  Care.  No bandwagon hopping on going on here.  Moving on.

I am always excited for a chance to stay in a good hotel and sit in a hot tub, so imagine my dismay when in our training information, we got the bad news that our hotel had no pool.  We didn’t write this on, although we are known to carry Sharpie markers in our pockets.  This is how our information was presented.  NO POOL!  Man, who builds a hotel with no pool?  (Probably a Sioux fan, but whatever.)

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So I didn’t pack my swimsuit. When we walked in to the hotel, which was swank, a familiar smell enveloped my senses (no, it was not coming from all the little midget little people hockey players in town and all over the hotel like they owned the joint, which they probably did, since hockey runs the city of Grand Forks) oh yeah, we were discussing the odor – kinda like bleach, yet, a little more water-like – oh hark a pool!!!  WHAT?!?!?!?  Sure enough, someone from PATH had played a very mean trick on me.  There I was with no suit and I was told the state would NOT reimburse me running over to Macy’s to pick up a new one.   I decided to skinny dip at 4 AM when all those little hockey wanna-be’s were sleeping in their footie jammies sucking their thumbs.  That way, none of them would cannon ball right onto me while I relaxed in the hot tub. 

On a side note, those little boys were playing a mean poker tournament in the hotel lobby.  This is good quality time spent, huh?  I bet they ate lunch at Hooters.  Kids grow up so fast these days. 

I didn’t really feel that I needed any training.  I had earlier gone straight to the source.  Just this week, I asked a child in the foster care system what makes for a good foster home and he stated that all I needed were pizza and an Xbox.  Crap, we have this so mastered!!  But, remember answer A above, we had to go.  Friday evening, we go around and introduce ourselves.   It was there that I found out my hubby works for a “large software company” – yep that is how he introduced that little fact.  Like he was on Wheel of Fortune or something.   Whatever.  I’d like to solve the puzzle, Pat. 

Source

After sitting there for a little while and after I became comfortable in my surroundings, I allowed my eyes and mind to wander a little bit.  Not too much, because honestly, the speakers were very engaging.  I am not being sarcastic here, they really were and they spoke on topics that are really important and near and dear to my heart.  But on one eye wandering, which lead to mind wandering, I spied with my little eye this sign:

What in the world did they mean by that?  Did they sometimes hold Table Top Dance 101 in that room or maybe Competitive Chair Stacking II in that room?  I mean, we were in the Innovation building, so the sky is the limit.  And if Table Top Dancing 101 is a class offered at UND, maybe I have decided what my next degree might be in????  I would lower myself to UND standards for that class. I wonder how they would feel about SOTA’s registering for TTD 101.  Can I wear belly dancing jingly bells? 

Anyways, we did find out what that sign meant, when Bill “adjusted himself in his chair” (yes, that is how I explained the loud snapping when our fellow trainees craned their necks to see what in the world had happened in the back row, my bad.) What I meant was “when Bill put some weight on the the arm to shift his weight around in those comfy chairs.”

We then noticed the stack of broken chairs in the corner.

What?  These chairs that had been so uncomfortable that I literally stood through one session were pieces of crap so much that users had to be warned?  They need to raise tuition at UND so they can have better chairs.  I decided not to dance on the tables during the break.  Who knows what would have happened.

During Saturday’s lunch break, it was decided that it was time to visit 5 Guys Burgers and Fries.  Good news.  I wasn’t intoxicated by the experience.  Judging by the grease on the bag, I now will call it 5 Extra Lumps on my Butt and Thighs (kinda catchy!)  I am very happy to know that I am not missing anything by not eating there.  On the bright side,  I worked out in the exercise room of the hotel both mornings, bringing my streak to 7 days in a row.  So I only have 4 extra lumps on my butt and thighs. 

The last session Saturday was about depression.  This is what I looked like when it was over.  Depressed.  (Bill is probably checking his e-mail here, don’t be tricked into the optical illusion that he is looking at our binder notes.)

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After the Saturday sessions wrapped up, we headed to Cabela’s.  I was pretty pumped to relive one of my favorite traditions, fudge sampling!  But more bad news, this was a mini-version of Cabela’s – no fudge counter!!  Did you read that?  NO FUDGE COUNTER!  What good is a sporting goods store without a fudge counter??  I had to console myself by buying a new pair of shoes.  After all, we had just learned that depression can be triggered by my disappointment and the ensuing grief I felt from the loss of fudge sampling.  I got my shoe model to display them for ya, although this time, he didn’t want me to show his face, ah, he is growing up.

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And then we got moosified.  Because we needed to. 

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And then we drove around looking for somewhere to eat. Texas Roadhouse had an hour and a half wait. Darn those hockey families!!!!

Sunday morning, after sitting next to Bill for a day and a half, I noted that we need to trim his eyebrows again.  Man, he can grow wicked awesome redneck brows.  Time for some manscaping, however, as we are not rednecks.

Anyways, it was a good weekend of learning how to better serve the youth that come through our lives, both in the Foster Care System and at my job.  And since my own kids are nearing the ages when I have to be very good to outsmart them and outmaneuver them, I will take all the practical teaching I can get.  Can I get an AMEN from all the moms out there?

And as a footnote, the hockey players were very kind and used great manners when interacting with us.  Smile   Cute bunch of kids!!

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