A Tiny Little Memory

A big window in the corner let the sunshine in.  The light flooded the oranges, yellows, and greens on the sheets; a large obnoxious floral print is the backdrop of this single moment.  The bed is not “normal” – cold, ominous, it has more metal than a bed should have.  I remember the pillows behind her, stacked for her comfort.  There had to have been more to the room, but I can’t picture it.  It is as if the room was a stage and all I remember is the part the spotlight was shining on. 

There I sat with her, on the floral bed sheets, getting my nails trimmed.  That’s it – that is all I remember.  She sat by the pillows, I sat on the foot end of the bed, and she trimmed my nails. I can’t see her, but I know it was her.

I have often wondered why I have this detailed memory.  I am sure there would have been other moments more tender; surely she held me while singing, or read me books.  Certainly we snuggled and giggled together.

I have no answers.  Why is it that God chose to give a 3 year old such a strange remembrance of her mother?  It is my only memory.  She passed away a month after I turned four.

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9 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Andrea
    Feb 22, 2011 @ 07:12:09

    Oh, wow. That is incredible that you even have that memory. And so clear. And yet so unclear. Thank you for sharing it with your readers. It’s touching and powerful. I cannot imagine what it is like for you to experience it. The title of this piece is perfect.

    Reply

  2. Shell
    Feb 22, 2011 @ 09:46:04

    I’m so sorry for your loss. So hard to lose someone so important to you at such a young age.

    Reply

  3. Crystal Maus
    Feb 22, 2011 @ 10:13:43

    Sometimes moments like those–like trimming my kids’ nails are the most tender ones. It gives me chance to pause and take note of the dirt under their nails from playing, look at how big they’re getting and press my nose to their heads for a kiss. I bet your mama was taking everything about you in that day too.

    Reply

  4. Cheryl @ Mommypants
    Feb 22, 2011 @ 14:35:56

    That she did this small task for you is telling, I think, of the tenderness she had for you. Maybe that’s why you remember it.

    Reply

  5. Leighann
    Feb 22, 2011 @ 16:10:40

    I’m so sorry for this loss.
    Your descriptions are so clear. Everything was right there in front of me.
    As she held your hand.

    Reply

  6. Mad Woman behind the Blog
    Feb 22, 2011 @ 21:17:27

    What an odd and tender moment. I am sorry for your loss but thank you for sharing this both small and very large memory.

    Reply

  7. Karen Peterson
    Feb 23, 2011 @ 10:26:37

    It really is interesting, the things that stick in our memory.

    I’m sorry this is the only memory you have of your mother, but it’s nice that you have something.

    Reply

  8. Sara
    Feb 23, 2011 @ 20:27:36

    Beautifully written. thank you for sharing this special memory.

    Reply

  9. kate hoper
    Mar 01, 2011 @ 13:58:43

    I’m so sorry for your loss, and it is interesting that this is the moment you remember. I wonder if you began a list of “I don’t remember”s whether something else might pop up for you? Just a thought…Wonderful writing!

    Reply

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