Lick me if you love me, Baby Lucy!

My dog is awesome.  She is spoiled.  She is lippy and full of attitude.  She is a great companion.  She makes me mad.  She makes me laugh.  She does the crazy dance.  She whines at the door.  She chases neighbors.  She ruins my yard. 

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She makes going to the lake for the day difficult.  She warms up my side of the bed for me.  She steals food from anyone dumb enough to leave it somewhere she can get it.  She is smart enough so we have to spell things in front of her.  She is dumb enough to fall for some of our tricks. 

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Her favorite foods are mac-n-cheese, pizza, and chips (specifically Doritos.)  She cuddles with her stuffed animal collection.  She has more blankets than I do.  She rolls in horse poop at the farm.  She chases cats up trees.  She is loyal.

She gets dog snot all over our windows.  Because she has a mind of her own, she wears a special necklace (AKA a shock collar.)  She gets all too excited when Bill puts on his running gear (some mornings.)  She ignores Bill when he puts on his running gear (other mornings.) 

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She wakes me up on weekend mornings because somehow, she hasn’t figured out that Saturday and Sunday are sleeping in days.  She keeps my dining room floor picked up for me.  She keeps my dining room floor hairy for me.  She loves my pillow.

She is the welcome wagon.  She lets the kids use her as a pillow.  She gets involved in our Kinect games, ruining our long jump scores.  She groans when she “deflates”. 

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She chases anything we throw, and does it until we force her to quit.  Her tail bruises thighs.  Basically, she is exactly what a black lab is supposed to be.  Just as she finally matures out of the puppy stage, her gray hairs on her chinny chin chin are appearing. 

I would bring her home and love her all over again, I only have one complaint.

From time to time, she stinks like rotten tuna.  Like the smell that makes me heave when I round the corner near the meat department of Cash Wise Foods.  We know why she smells that way…I found the info on the trusty internet.  Yes, she has anal gland issues.  Once, she let someone in our home (unnamed, but here is a hint – I tried to watch, and ended up heaving) take care of them for her.  She didn’t like it.  Now if we go close to her tail, she gets all barky and bity.  We cant even spell it, “S-Q-U-E-E-Z-E   H-E-R   B-U-T-T,  S-H-E  S-T-I-N-K-S!!”  She somehow knows what that means.  We tried peanut butter in her bowl as a ploy (it’s how we give her shots without her noticing) but it doesn’t work.  She is on to us.  We have no idea what to do about it.  Really, she is not a dog that gets carried around in a purse, we don’t take her to the vet for stinky butt problems.  I am just not sure what our next move is. 

Mama's Losin' It

Written in response to MK’s writer’s workshop.  #1 – If you could change anything about your pet, what would it be?

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