I now have 7 numbers to hate

Bill received a little birthday cash, so to celebrate his getting older by a year, he decided to be wise and buy two new toys for himself.  First, because of a history of high blood pressure both in his family and himself, he decided a blood pressure monitor would be a fun thing to add to his “numbers to check daily to make sure I totally understand that I am not in great shape” regimen.   So, my blood pressure ranges from 70 year old lady to 90 year old lady.  Sometimes, I have to hand pump my own blood just to get it all the way from my heart to my feet and back. 

The second new tool to bring us to our knees was the great scale purchase of 2010.  He got a scale that measures BMI, body fat %, muscle %, weight, body age, resting metabolism, and visceral fat.  It also stores 180 days of these numbers.  Joy of Joys.  Now I have six more numbers I can hate.  Now when I weigh myself, I can not only know how I weigh too much, I also can know that I fail in many other categories.  Merry Christmas!!

So Bill and I decided to be troopers and try this thing out.  The first thing I noticed in the weight category is that with measurements in the tenths of a pound, I can round down or  up depending on my mood.  Who am I kidding –  I always round down.  Kinda like my driver’s license.

I have decided to be friends with the machine.  After all, it may determine my mood many days.  So machine and I (I need a name for my new friend, taking recommendations) teamed up right away to inform Bill that his body age is WAY older than his actual age.  I have been telling him that since I met him.   Now I have data to prove it.  Bill isn’t one to argue with data.  (But in his defense, Bill doesn’t act a day over 15 when he is on his wakeboard, or snow skis.) 

I am not afraid to tell the world my numbers:  BMI – 24.5 Body fat 32.4 Muscle 29.6 Resting metabolism 1280 Visceral Fat – 6 % Body age 41.   Well crap, anyone who looks at me could have predicted these numbers – it is not as if I am 18 and 90 lbs anymore. 

BMI normal range caps at 25 % so I am pretty much good to go on that one as long as I don’t gain a single pound.

Body fat – well, I am obese according to my body fat number.  Who cares.  My size 5 jeans don’t care.  Also, did it count all the snot in my head?  Because right now, I am super full of that, and it just may have skewed the numbers.

Muscle percentage – Who knows what that even means – the butt muscle is the biggest muscle in the body, so why would I want a high muscle percentage – the higher the percentage, the bigger my butt.  (Go ahead, sing the song, you know you wanna.) 

Resting metabolism doesn’t mean squat – I can eat 1200 calories of candy and pop and look like crap, so I am pretty much sold on the idea of eating healthy and dealing with fall out.   

Body age, well, I feel WAY older than 41 many days, so I am sure that machine knew that and took it into consideration when it determined that number.  It also didn’t get to see my fabulous wardrobe since I had to measure all this stuff naked.  (It was the highlight of Bill’s day, I am pretty sure that is why he bought the machine to begin with.  Mandatory naked measuring once a month.)

So this is my new agonizing regimen.  Anyone want to come over for a scale party?  We can keep our clothes on and ignore all the results together??  I’ll serve Christmas cookies and hot chocolate.

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Larisa
    Dec 02, 2010 @ 22:45:06

    I’ll be over after school tomorrow!! Don’t worry, my clothes will be staying on, and I’m sure my results will be much worse than yours!! 🙂

    Reply

  2. Kari
    Dec 02, 2010 @ 22:49:44

    I’ll come! 🙂 I want to test that thing out on myself!

    Reply

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