So my brain runs in 100 different directions…

I guess my brain running in 100 different directions is nothing new but tonight is worse than ever. 

I bought 2 new sweaters today at Forever 21.  I really do love that store, but walking into the store wearing my clothes from wacky clothes day at school (backwards t-shirt, backwards sweatshirt, backwards hat complete with hat hair and mismatched socks) sure made me feel like I was too old, too dorky, too short and fat, too everything.  Yes, I did turn my clothes around before walking in, but somehow, school-labeled clothing with jeans and Nikes is just out of place in that store.  I managed to find clothes I liked, which never seems to be a problem there, but I think many many shoppers were wondering what I was trying to prove being in “their” store – as if I should shop at Herbergers and CF Banks.  As if.  I can always tell someone I have daughters and have started Christmas shopping if cornered.  Good thing I didn’t have to take my shoes off and show off the socks.  Why was I out shopping? For two reasons.  1.  Shopping is a great escape from my reality; and 2.  I got rid of most of my sweaters in the spring so I actually need a couple things.  It was fun.  If only I was taller, most of the cute sweaters I found would have a train if I wore them…

Then I came home and made the dinner every mom avoids and every kid likes – mac-n-cheese from a box and hot dogs.  I didn’t eat it – I ate my white chili (which after surviving on regular chili and white chili for 3 days, watch out!!)  I made the announcement to Bill in that special moment over the reheated bowls, “One of us is taking the kids to church tonight and I vote you.”  I really don’t cop out all that often at all.  I can handle most anything, but tonight, I am so worn out, I just crawled into my Tinkerbelle jammie pants and started in on the cooking and cleaning.

I made granola. 

I made turkey rice soup – the one I am famous for.  Papa likes it so much, I made it for him and froze it in single servings for his Christmas gift last year.  Figuring he needed some love as much as anyone, I made it to bring to him again this weekend.  Yeah, life sucks like that around here.  When turkey rice soup cheers you up, you are really hurtin’.

Then I sat and folded laundry. 

I did all this with no TV or radio.  The only sound was that of the wind howling outside.  Here I am safe and protected.  Here I am comfortable.  Out there, I feel exposed.  I feel like I have to pretend just to muster through a day.  If I show weakness, I may not pull it together again.  Like this song:

 

Being strong for four children is really taxing.  To figure out how to walk my kids through each moment is the current struggle.  Grandparents get sick, but this is their first.  We stick together, learn together and love each other all the more through the process.  That is the definition of family.

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5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Missi
    Oct 27, 2010 @ 21:29:12

    I was already envious that you bought TWO sweaters today- and now I find out they were from Forever 21?!!! No fair! This may just surpass gripe #34 (c) of the day!

    Reply

  2. Larisa
    Oct 27, 2010 @ 21:40:31

    We need to go shopping together sometime Deb, we just have to wait until after the shock of the deck wears off for KJ. 😉

    Reply

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